You Gotta Love Yourself Before You Love Somebody Else
by FoxoftheDesert
Summary: Red Queen Week 2017 Day 3 - Tropes: Doppelgangers Through the lens of Regina's unilateral action splitting herself from the Evil Queen, Ruby learns that denying half of who she is can't make her happy. In doing so, she teaches Regina the same lesson.


" _The most terrifying thing is to accept oneself completely_."― **C.G. Jung**

* * *

Ruby moves toward her apartment as if through frigid molasses, feet aching from another long shift at the diner. She wants nothing more than to tear off her clothes the second she's inside and dump them carelessly in the floor right before crawling into bed. But she won't do that, because she is a responsible adult, dammit, and there are things a responsible adult should do after coming home from work no matter how tired they are!

That last thought registers in her head as if it were Regina speaking, which relieves some of the aggravation she feels at needing to feed herself then straighten up her place ahead of succumbing to the tantalizing siren song her comfy mattress is currently crooning. The sound of that gravelly but all-too becoming voice – even imaginary as it is – also lessens the tension coiled up in her shoulders, neck, and lower back. It perks her up that little bit more to imagine Regina's smile in the morning upon picking Ruby up for their breakfast date, which is pretty much the sole reason Ruby is determined to clean up her frightfully messy apartment rather than collapse in exhaustion upon the nearest comfortable surface. She can't stomach the thought of Regina seeing the place in such an unkempt state.

A burst of motivation hits her along with the warmth that settles in her chest at thoughts of starting her day tomorrow in the absolute best way possible. There is a frisson of guilt scratching at her heart for a reason she is unwilling to confront right now, not as tired as she is and as much as she is anticipating seeing her girlfriend in the morning for the first time in a week. So she does what Regina would normally do, ignore the feeling and soldier onward.

With renewed vigor, she strides down the remaining length of the hallway, hands probing for her keys through the left hip pocket of her overly tight jeans as she takes the last steps to her apartment. With her keys fetched just as she arrives at her door, she deftly unlocks it with nimble fingers then shuffles through the threshold.

The second she enters, Ruby catches a very specific scent. Her entire body tenses and the guilt she'd just stuffed down makes a roaring reappearance. On instinct, she prepares to shift into the wolf at a moment's notice.

"Finally," her uninvited guest says, sounding thoroughly put out. From where she hovers near Ruby's couch, the woman cocks her hips to one side, hands firmly planted on them in displeasure. "I've been loitering in this tepid box for nearly an hour now, and you know I don't like to be kept waiting."

Heart thudding in her chest, Ruby roams her eyes over the vision of illicit beauty before her, scouring every inch from head to toe. The Queen's appearance is, as always, perfectly manufactured from a snug yet magnificently accoutered velvet gown, to long manicured nails painted a deep violet with lips stained a matching shade, and capped by exquisite heels of a length right up Cursed Ruby's alley. To complete the look, her raven hair is piled in a highly elegant bouffant bun adorned with a pin in the shape of a wilted violet.

"It's not polite to stare, dear," the Queen then says, lips turned up sideways with approval so that the cut of her cheeks, accentuated with heavy makeup, is starkly defined. Ruby gulps as her unexpected caller stalks toward her, hands never leaving her hips as she sashays across the room, an inescapable predator zoned in upon her hapless prey. "For you, however, I'll make an allowance. It does so please me when you look at me that way. It's almost as if you'd like nothing more than to devour me." She smirks then. "Or I certainly hope so."

"What are you doing here?" Ruby's question comes out low and rough, which is more out of surprise that the Queen showed up on this particular night than her showing up at all.

Since Regina split herself in the manner of Jekyll and Hyde, Ruby has been struggling to adapt to an untenable situation. For the most part she feels constantly on edge and always playing catch-up. Regina has remained frustratingly out of reach since making the unilateral decision to remove her dark side, which has Ruby feeling as if engaged in a futile chase after her own tail, hoping to claim even a paltry snippet of her girlfriend's attention. And that's not to mention how difficult it has been for Ruby to adapt to a reality where the woman she loves has literally excised an integral part of herself that just so happens to be the one with which Ruby most identifies one entire week out of every month.

Regina's less savory tendencies have always served as a shadowy beacon to summon up highly inappropriate desires in Ruby. On those days she is feeling reckless and brazen and a little bit vicious due to the gravitational pull the moon exerts on her wolfen side, they are all the more appealing. The wolf is darkness incarnate, and she inhabits the very same realm of shadowy intentions, nonexistent inhibitions, and dubious morals as her Royal Highness the Queen.

That Regina had simply done away with her own darkness without so much as consulting the woman she claims to love is deeply hurtful to Ruby, not that she's in a position to admit as much when Regina seems incapable of handling such a confession at present or that she feels some falsely perceived claim in Regina's agency now that they are in a relationship. Mostly she just feels like Regina casting out the Queen is in some subconscious way a rejection of her darkness, too.

That vulnerability was a soft spot the Queen exploited without mercy. It wasn't a week after Regina's new lease on life as an unburdened hero that Ruby had gone home to find her girlfriend's unrepentant, immoral half waiting in her apartment, ready to pounce. Ruby had tried to rebuff the aggressive advances, really she had, but the moon was waxing perilously near its peak and the thrill of the hunt was singing within her veins and so tantalizingly close to hitting crescendo that she was practically vibrating with anticipation. The edgy, seductive malevolence ever-present in the Queen merged with the melody, escalating it into a terribly attractive chorus that the wolf could not resist. Primal nature took its course after that.

When Ruby woke up the next morning, she was naked and so delightfully sore all over. But also alone, cold for the lack of her lover's warmth nestled next to her, and submersed in repressive guilt that threatened her with emotional suffocation. Cheating was something she never did, even during the days of the Curse when she'd supplied notches in more bedposts than she could recount with any semblance of accuracy. In order to keep her prospective one-night stands from getting the wrong idea, she'd made sure to be upfront about her expectations. Once itches were sufficiently scratched and urges for the moment diminished, the association was over. On the rare occasion she grew attached to someone, which wasn't often to be honest, the sleeping around stopped until she inevitably wearied of being tied down, which she now recognizes as the wolf asserting herself. With the return of her memories, though, came a return of control over those animal instincts. She'd been doing so good, too.

Something about the Queen, though, had eradicated her every sense of self-control, and left her reeling for balance, unable to say no, and then wondering in the aftermath what the hell she was going to do or say when she next saw Regina. But that morning as she showered off her shame along with a half hours worth of bitter tears, she was hit with an epiphany. She realized that her guilt was misplaced, because to her, Regina was the Queen and the Queen was Regina. Just as there was no differentiating between Ruby and her wolf, the same was true for Regina and the Evil Queen, and by that definition, loving one meant also loving the other. Technically, from a certain point of view, that meant hadn't cheated on Regina at all. The only problem with that rationale was that Regina would not see things the same way. And deep down, Ruby wasn't so sure she could accept it, either.

No matter how eloquently she explained her colossal lapse in judgment, Regina was far less likely to understand her reasoning than feel deeply betrayed. She would then last out vindictively like she always does. Experience has taught Ruby that a hurting Regina visits that hurt back on the people she cares for most – like any other human being, just a thousand times more intensely. No doubt revealing the indiscretion would result in the downfall of their relationship, which was something Ruby was not prepared to face. And that was assuming she lived through the confrontation. So she kept quiet, not only to save a relationship she valued above all else, but out of a sense of self-preservation constrained between two impossible choices. For although she knew there was a real chance Regina would roast her alive, she was absolutely certain the Evil Queen would.

After receiving her first proper ravishing courtesy of said Queen, it had been made abundantly clear to Ruby that she was now a kept woman.

" _This body now belongs to me. I claim it as my sovereign territory._ " Her Majesty's declaration was accompanied by the tip of an index finger scrawling indecipherable words upon Ruby's sweat-dampened stomach. When her abdominal muscles clenched, the Queen smirked, then dipped down to place a series of kisses against them that had Ruby whimpering. After resting her cheek on the flat planes beneath, the Queen gazed up through thick lashes with a surprising amount of affection.

Although both were thoroughly exhausted from a sexual marathon so wild that it frankly almost broke Ruby's brain from pleasure overload, the Queen was also in complete control of both the situation and her attention. Even before the split Regina specialized in projecting an aura of invincibility no matter how utterly wrecked she was. Hair a mess, skin flushed red, lips kiss-plumped, and eyes blissfully hooded, the woman could still intimidate the hell out of Ruby when she wanted to, and that presented a dichotomy that was unnerving yet perversely arousing. The Queen, however, took that to a whole new level that had Ruby questioning her alpha status even more so than she did with the _real_ Regina. In deference to Regina's overpowering presence, the wolf is hasty to lower her snout, but the Queen can have her ready with a single command to roll over and show her belly in an act of submission that would otherwise be humiliating if it weren't for her Majesty diligently rewarding such prompt obedience.

" _I have hereby conquered these plains, valleys, and mountains. None, therefore, are permitted to lay a hand on what's mine on pain of death._ " As she spoke in tones all silken with approval, the Queen had possessively rubbed her cheek into Ruby's stomach then grasped a breast, squeezing it roughly to prove her point. Ruby hissed in discomfort but did not otherwise object because she liked the pain, and the Queen knew it judging by the amused tint in those mischievous chocolate eyes. " _Save my other, less interesting, self of course._ " The Queen smirked again knowingly, as if daring Ruby to lie that she wouldn't sink to her hands and knees then present like a bitch in heat at Regina's command just the same as she did hers. " _I'll share you with her, but only so far as my mercy permits. As I require you, whenever that may be, you will obey my_ _summons. Because werewolf or not, my dear, you cannot hope to defeat me._ _I_ _am your Queen now. Not her. I want to hear you tell me you understand._ "

Ruby, feeling anxious, afraid, and so damn aroused, gulped audibly as she nodded. Eyes clenched shut, she shuddered. " _I understand, Your Majesty_." Her reward came in the form of two fingers unceremoniously intruding into her core, already wet and throbbing again, only to be followed by a third and then a fourth until she was screaming and sobbing and clenching so hard and fast around those amazingly talented digits that her vision blurred and she honest-to-God swooned. And that, as they say, was that.

Fortunately Ruby was given a brief reprieve when the Queen abruptly disappeared Storybrooke for nearly a fortnight. For a moment she thought her girlfriend's demented clone was just playing games with her, but just as she was settling back in to some semblance of a normal life with Regina, she'd come home to find the Queen waiting for her. Once again, Ruby tried to shrug off the woman's persistent and incredibly appealing seductions, but to no more success than before. In truth, her struggle to withstand temptation was at best perfunctory before what pitiful resolve she had folded as if cardboard under the unsubtle force of a stamping press.

Unlike last time, however, there was no waxing moon to blame, just an unbearable amount of sexual tension that had built up because Regina was too busy saving the town from "herself" to make time to spend together and everything else from toys to her own fingers were meager substitutes for what – _who_ – she really wanted. It was petty and selfish to succumb to the Queen for such reasons, but Ruby couldn't resist when she was dying for release and already a pathetic wimp where Regina, in whatever form she occupied, was concerned. So she took what she could get and justified her weakness by clinging to facts that suited her, namely that the Queen was quite literally half of the woman she loved, or more precisely the manifested darkness Regina usually kept safely tucked away inside which also happened to be one of the things that most appealed to Ruby.

The morning after the second tryst, Ruby woke to an empty bed again, but she felt much calmer about the fallout of her continual failure to refuse the Queen's advances. The wolf inside of her simply refused to acknowledge any wrongness in coupling with her mate, as that is exactly what she considered the Queen to be. For while Ruby loved Regina, the wolf belonged to the monstrous despot Regina used to be. And the more Ruby thought about it, the more that made sense to explain her frustrating inability to refuse the Queen.

She then sort of just fell into a pattern with her girlfriend's sundered half in which she'd receive a visit at least twice per week, sometimes more when the Queen was feeling peckish. In between, she battled tooth and nail to eek out what time she could to be with Regina, who seemed to be growing increasingly distracted and distant as problems mounted in town from the Land of Untold Stories. On top of all that stress, Regina's unpredictable alter ego started making more and more frequent appearances, upping the ante with each sortie. Tensions were running high of late and Ruby was living on pins and needles awaiting the inevitable collapse of sustainability.

"Isn't it obvious?" the Queen replies to Ruby's greeting question, snapping her from her wandering thoughts. "I am keen to resume our...arrangement. It's been nearly four days since I saw you last. That is unacceptable."

The Queen says that last bit as if she has been deprived of something owed to her, which sets Ruby's teeth on edge even though she'd agreed to the terms. That haughty, imperious tone only Regina can produce has always made her feel like she really is the dog less tactful people like to joke she is. It's even worse coming from the sinfully wicked lips of Regina's manifested darkness because Ruby now feels leashed and muzzled and rendered powerless to do anything in the villainous woman's presence save heel like an obedient little pup whenever her Mistress demands it.

"For good reason," Ruby retorts, irritation mounting and warring against arousal as she remembers the last time the Queen paid her a visit.

Four days ago she stumbled home half-drunk sometime after midnight only to be pounced upon before she could get a word in. She'd been at the Rabbit Hole drowning her sorrows over Regina's lack of communication. Feeling like she was about to lose the best thing that ever happened to her, she downed one too many shots of vodka – the only thing that really worked to give her a buzz, damn werewolf metabolism. Once back in her apartment, she'd been all set to fall face first onto the first surface she came across suitable for sleeping. The Queen, however, was feeling much more than frisky than usual that night.

Possessive with an angry edge that demanded immediate satisfaction, her Majesty, with a smile, demanded service. Ruby, too tired to fight and desperate for the connection with any bit of Regina she could lay hands on, succumbed without a struggle. With the Queen so riled up, it wasn't long before their intimate battle for dominance veered into dangerous territory, which in turn triggered the wolf to emerge for some aggressive play. Soon enough they were at it like maddened animals, all primitive and violent so that by the time they finally gave out to exhaustion, Ruby's sheets were dotted with blood from where they'd scratched and bit and slapped and choked each other through climax after climax. If it weren't for the Queen using magic to clean everything up, injuries included, Ruby would have had to dispose of her bedding, which would have sucked because it was all brand new.

"I've been busy. Working and stuff," she then adds, voice trembling slightly. It's hard to maintain a facade of annoyance in the face of such predatory perusal from the Queen's gleaming eyes. She just hopes her Majesty does not catch the unspoken reason, that she'd been staying away from home, pining for _her_ Regina, the one who wasn't split in two, as she ran off her stress in the woods. Ruby is not so lucky.

The Queen scoffs as she rolls her eyes, reminding Ruby for the thousandth time that she really _is_ Regina, not just some warped imitation. "For pity's sake," she says. "Your ability to tell a lie is sorely deficient. You must work on that, my pet, if our activities are to remain a secret." When Ruby balks, she chuckles. "Oh, don't pretend to be offended, especially not on _her_ behalf. It really does mystify me that you remain besotted with my inferior half when she doesn't appreciate you as I do."

Ruby frowns deeply, arms crossing over her chest. "That's a lie! She loves me." The proclamation tastes as deluded as it sounds.

The Queen smirks smugly at Ruby's defensiveness. "Oh, I'm sure she does in her own way. But the question is, does she love Red the magnificent beast with the same fervor she does Ruby the extraordinary but very human beauty? I, for one, am becoming rather fond of the former, but the ease with which I was cast away suggests she does not share the sentiment."

"I could apply the same logic to you then," Ruby points out, not liking how much sense the Queen is making in her confused position caught between two halves of the woman she wholly loves. "You want the wolf but care nothing for me, the person with feelings."

As if the point is distasteful, the Queen scrunches her nose and tilts her head after a firm shake. "I disagree," she insists. "And out of a sincere desire to prove my affections, I won't mention her treatment of you these past weeks so I can assure you that while I may not love you, I do care for you. And it isn't just because of that intoxicating power you insist on smothering beneath that exquisite exterior. I don't make love to the wolf, now do I?" When Ruby blushes, the Queen's smile widens to bare her rows of pearly white teeth. "No, no," she drawls, "you are all girl when I go down on you. And _my, my_ aren't you a tasty one. In fact, I have grown to prefer your unique _tang_ to the apples from my beloved tree, and that is quite lofty praise."

Still blushing, Ruby clears her throat as she shuffles her feet, uncomfortable but also on the edge of arousal. "Combining compliments with lewd remarks doesn't exactly inspire confidence."

"True," the Queen nods curtly, "but I was only being honest. Look, we both know that I am incapable of love, so I have no reason to lie to you. But just because I can't love you doesn't mean I don't want to be _with_ you. I desire you to be always by my side, Ruby, and not because I cannot deny that I've always secretly craved a pet werewolf or that I could use your help defeating the imbeciles that populate this town. I want you because I value what you bring to the table. You challenge me in every way that matters and motivate me to be even more audacious and bold and daring. You give me pleasure I hadn't thought to ever experience. And you understand me more deeply than I thought possible for anyone, not to mention someone so ridiculously gorgeous. I would be a fool, then, to dismiss what you have to offer. But the same goes for you."

Brows arched, Ruby poses, "And what is it that you could possibly offer me that she can't?"

Tilting her head to the side, the Queen tucks her bottom lip between her teeth before lifting at the hem of her skirt to close the distance between them. Her eyes darken until they appear almost black as she glides over to stand before Ruby.

"Oh, I think you know already," she says as she moves with the effortless poise befitting a woman of her station – even more than, really. Regina always has been the most elegant woman Ruby ever knew, but in her Queenly form she takes fluid grace to whole new level. "Or have you already forgotten our last tryst?" Ruby hasn't forgotten, could _never_ forget, but she can't say anything around the tightening of her throat. " _She_ is boring and predictable. _She_ cannot satisfy the beast inside of you. But I can. I _have_. Or were you howling for some other reason aside from my famously dexterous digits?" Now nearing Ruby's personal space, she lifts her right hand between them and tauntingly wiggles the same three fingers that were buried up to the hilt inside Ruby just four days earlier.

Ruby gulps against the pull the Queen is so mightily exerting upon her, but the warmth gathering low in her belly betrays her effort to stand strong against a storm surge of temptation. "God," she groans in so much frustration, both at her own weakness and at the Queen's relentlessness. "Is everything about sex with you?"

The Queen leers back. "Everything in this world revolves around sex, my dear. Isn't that why men go to war and lonely housewives invite the milkman inside while their cuckold husbands toil away at work? Sex makes the world go 'round. And me? Well," she waggles her brows and fingers suggestively, "I make _your_ s go 'round."

When Ruby's internal muscles clench involuntarily, she groans again, this time in grudging surrender. "Fine. I'll admit the sex is... _amazing_. But that doesn't mean I don't love her more."

The admission pleases her Royal Highness, who preens at the backwards praise. But rather than gloat, she surprises Ruby with her next words. "I'm not asking you to stop loving her."

Suspicious but also curious, Ruby returns, "Then what are you asking?"

Gesturing between them, the Queen says, "I'm asking if you're ready to give this up in order to soothe your guilty conscience."

"But that's just it, I don't feel guilty. Or not like I should anyway."

Ruby hugs herself against allowing that truth to breathe for the very first time. It hangs in the air between them, heavy with implication the Queen doesn't miss. One sable brow rises along with impossibly kissable lips pulling up into a smug smirk.

The Queen steps forward, not into Ruby's personal space, but close. Close enough to see the flecks of amber in those dark brown eyes and to smell the magic mixed with hints of apples and cinnamon on her breath. Close enough for the irresistible force of a woman wrapped up in clothing more expensive than Ruby's entire wardrobe to reach out and set the tips of her fingers against Ruby's tense forearm, then play the digits downward until they're tugging at her own fisted fingers.

"And that worries you," the Queen says, eyes never leaving Ruby's. No judgment is there or disappointment in what must surely be a show of weakness from her perspective. Ruby swallows thickly as she nods, feeling terrible but nonetheless allowing the Queen to hold her trembling hand. "It shouldn't. You are merely starting to accept the truth."

"What truth is that?" Ruby asks, voice low and rough from nerves and excitement and even more emotions she can't really give a name to.

The Queen smiles almost tenderly before tracing the fingers of her free hand down the plane of Ruby's jaw and underneath her chin, then settling her palm onto Ruby's cheek. "That you're more than just a woman of simple wants and desires. More than a dead-end job in a dead-end town, trapped by obligations and a sense of loyalty you just can't help because that is your nature. That you long for more from your friends than the table scraps of affection you mostly get, or if you're really lucky, the occasional scratch behind the ears for being _such a good girl_. And that you need more from your lover than tender caresses and halfhearted declarations of love.

"You're a complex woman, Ruby Lucas, and you require someone, whether her or me or _anyone,_ who is willing and able to recognize that and treat you accordingly. Like the submissive woman you are most of the time, you ache to be possessed and to be marked through measured acts of violence so that all will know to whom you belong. But at the same time you are a dominant alpha who is compelled on a monthly basis to return the favor, to aggressively mount your mate and howl at the moon as an expression of your innate superiority. You're a paradox that needs a paradox as a partner."

Such crude descriptions of her deviance shouldn't ever be spoken with such reverence, Ruby thinks, and yet she doesn't realize she's crying until the Queen sweeps her tears away with a brush of her thumb. All her life she's been searching for what she has just been given: permission to be her real self. To everyone else, the wolf is a burden, a negative influence, a beast that can never be tamed always a hairsbreadth away from total hedonistic indulgence, but to Ruby she's liberty from the tedium of life and freedom to feel whatever she wants whenever she wants no matter how vile, socially unacceptable, or politically incorrect.

"I can't give you the tender caresses as often as she can," the Queen then says, and Ruby already knows she's a goner. Her heart aches. She'll lose Regina for sure but she just can't help herself. Already she knows she can no longer resist the pull of what the Queen is offering, that she needs it like she needs oxygen and has been denying herself the privilege of basking in it for far too long. Something breaks in Ruby then as she listens to the Queen, but it isn't a bad breaking at all, rather a cathartic one. "But I can give you the rest every moment of every day," her Majesty goes on. "I _will_ give you the rest, if you'll just surrender. You know you want to. I can see it in your eyes and in the way your pulse is hammering in your neck. Give in. Stop fighting. For once, take something for yourself and to hell with everyone else! Damn their morals! Damn their meaningless little lives, their vanilla flavoring, and pedestrian pursuits! Delve into the unfathomable depths of greed and wantonness with me. Swim in those dark, frothing waters until you're drowning and your lungs are burning and all you want to do is scream in the most profoundly wonderful agony. I promise, it's liberating."

The invitation is one that Ruby ordinarily would turn down without a second thought. Granny had raised her with a stern but fair hand to be a good girl and years on the run with Snow had taught her how to be a hero. Regina lauded her "unique brand of loyal heroism" and claimed it was one of the reasons she loved Ruby most. But none of them had ever expressed an interest in getting to know the other parts of her, the seedier parts, the dark parts she kept hidden away out of shame for tendencies and desires that were unacceptable in a world of white and black morality and out of a deep-seated fear of being rejected and hated and loathed. The Curse hadn't made her do anything she didn't want to do, and that was something nobody wanted to acknowledge, even herself most of the time.

Only the Queen has extended Ruby that courtesy, and though the woman is by no means magnanimous or selfless in her offer, she is at least honest. The Evil Queen, Ruby knows, gets how it feels to want things a person shouldn't, and understands that the world is not nearly so black and white as the heroes make it out to be. There is room for gray in life, and that is what the Queen is trying to convince Ruby to accept.

And then, when it seems she's about to reject the offer, not because she's not interested, but because of her loyalties, the Queen sweetens the offer.

"I don't expect you to callously slaughter the people you love," she says while stroking Ruby's hair then trailing a finger ever-so-gently down her jawline. "Nor do will I command you to commit atrocities that will stain you conscience forever. Those things I am more than happy to do myself. Because I don't need you to kill my enemies, Ruby. What I need is someone with whom I can share my appreciation for the occasional need to turn loose and let pure, unadulterated impulse rule the day. Someone upon whom I can lavish the vast stores of passion within my heart."

Ruby doesn't need to hear her say that there's affection in there, too, because she can see it plain as day. With that affection shining in her eyes, the Queen pulls Ruby flush against her body, cups her hand around Ruby's ear so that her fingers hook Ruby's neck. Close enough now that Ruby can smell the cinnamon on her breath, her temptress springs the trap that Ruby finds herself all too willingly ensnared by.

"Most of all," she says, ducking closer, lips so close Ruby can feel them against hers even though they aren't touching, "I want you standing by my side. Always. You're the only one worthy and capable of meeting me on a level playing field. You're the only one I trust with my life. With my mind. With my heart, what little's left of it. I want to see you become a Queen's Queen, to help you nurture your full potential, to ensure that you're recognized for your sacrifices, and that no one ever, _ever_ takes you for granted again. Will you let me do those things for you, Ruby?"

The only thing Ruby can do after that incredible speech is to nod her acceptance, elated but also a heartbroken to discover that she wants almost all of that so badly she aches for it. Choking back the urge to weep, she lets go of things that have held her back so long. She shears off the muzzle of submissive loyalty to friends that so easily dismiss her and forget about her when she's fought, and bled, and killed for them. For once in her life, she is going to be selfish. And to her endless awe, the Queen turns out to be right. It is _liberating_.

That night with their mutual acceptance driving their union to new heights, they baptize each other in in sweat and tears. In the weeks that follow, they rain unholy terror down upon the town. Emma, Snow, David, _Regina_...they don't stand a chance. Not when the Evil Queen finally has her pet werewolf and Ruby is finally and forever off of her leash. Together they wreak havoc, the Queen with her magic and Ruby with jaws strong enough to sever steel and paws capable of eviscerating a man through a bulletproof vest. And while Ruby does not kill anyone she doesn't want to or who doesn't deserve it ten times over, she leaves a trail of bodies in her wake large enough to impress her increasingly devoted benefactress.

Organized resistance in Storybrooke does not last through the winter, though the most ardent rebels keep fighting in isolated pockets until spring rolls around. When at last all of the vanquished heroes have submitted, the Queen is standing triumphant upon the steps leading up to Town Hall before the kneeling masses. Ruby is at her side, proudly obedient and loyal, but not out of compulsion. No, she is there because she wants to be, because the Queen sees her for who she is, sees the monster inside and doesn't flinch or run away scared or tell her that it's something she has to suppress for her own good and the good of the people she loves.

The Queen lets Ruby run wild, encourages displays of carnage that soon enough have all the inhabitants of Storybrooke, four-legged and two, scurrying for cover when they hear a piercing howl carry over the cool night air. The Queen permits Ruby to sleep in their bed in her fur, curls up around her canine form for warmth in the night and soothes delicate fingers through midnight hair, then is just as happy when it is skin instead of fur under her fingertips the next morning. The Queen accepts the beast just the same as the woman by making good on her promise to let Ruby be her pliant self under a firm hand when the moon isn't full and by allowing her to be assertive when it is. Being submissive is not in her Majesty's nature but she makes the concession all the same and even learns to appreciate it because if there is one thing alpha Ruby Lucas is good at, it is making a woman pierce through the barriers of ecstasy into the most glorious of raptures.

Nearly no one in town is ignorant of their affair by the end, which comes as no surprise. While they don't advertise it openly and most of those she betrayed keep the secret, there is one notable exception: Snow, who blabbed to the dwarves that same day of Ruby's treachery. The Storybrooke rumor mill is slowed significantly by the conflict, but not enough so that news hasn't percolated to everyone who matters.

What is a surprise, though, is the way Regina keeps glancing between Ruby and the Queen. On her knees, helpless, magic shackled by dampening cuffs, bedraggled and looking less Regina-like than at anytime ever before, she is still propped up by her indefatigable pride – back straight, head high, chin jutting out, ever the imperious monarch, even in defeat. But the eyes tell Ruby everything. There is a longing there that hasn't been present since the day Regina found out about Ruby's fateful decision. That day things were said on both sides that should have rightly sundered them forever. But subdued as Regina is, there is not a hint of sorrow, recrimination, bitterness, or hatred in those brown eyes. Just that yearning which Ruby can't quite place. The Queen can though, and does.

Rather than condemning the defeated heroes to execution, the Queen immediately imprisons them all either in the jail or in the psych ward beneath the hospital – a non-negotiable condition for Ruby's affection and loyalty – until such time as they swear fealty to her. Henry, of course, is allowed to go free, though he refuses to acknowledge Ruby's presence right along with his mother's doppelganger as he stomps away with Belle and Rumple, who also escape the Queen's rather merciful judgment. It hurts more than she'd thought it would, but she understands his bitterness and anger, so she lets him go. If Henry hating her is the cost for this freedom, she'll just have to learn to deal with it. There is no going back now, even if she wanted to, which she doesn't.

The rest of the heroes who occupy that elite paragon status are all intact as well, and though sequestered in their assigned cells with a wave of the Queen's hand, are to treated less like prisoners and more like guests who are afforded every comfort possible given their temporary abodes. Ruby is going to see to that personally.

With that accomplished, the Queen then magicks the three of them – that being herself, Ruby, and Regina – to her newly converted throne room that once served as the Mayor's office. Seated comfortably behind the desk she'd kept in place instead of perching upon the throne she had installed against the adjacent wall, her Royal Highness gestures toward her original self.

"All you have to do is say the words," she says, and though Ruby is confused, Regina immediately understands what is inferred. When Regina's lips tighten, the Queen smiles, pearly teeth catching a glimmer of sunlight. She rises, all smooth motions and flowing skirts to step around the desk and stand before Regina. "That's why you're here, isn't it?" She tilts her head then, eyeing Ruby briefly before returning a shrewd gaze to her so-called better self. "That's why you can't seem to take your eyes off of us. Now that you've seen what you could have with her, you want me back."

Ruby gasps audibly and clutches at her chest when Regina seems to wither in place as if a daisy shrinking in on itself under the harsh glare of an exposing sunlight. The lack of response in tandem with the visible reaction is tacit confirmation that the Queen's supposition is, indeed, true. Ruby doesn't dare to hope but her heart starts thundering in her chest all the same.

Could it be, she wonders, that Regina never did stop loving her like she'd said that awful day? In reality, could she have still been struggling with her darkness even though she'd supposedly banished it and was just angry because Ruby chose to succumb to her nature rather than keep on kicking against the pricks just to remain in the good graces of people who will never truly appreciate her or accept her for who she is instead of what they want her to be? Could it be? She wonders and yet remains transfixed and silent as the Queen extends her arms, hands open, palms up, invitation in her eyes.

"Take my hands and you shall have your wish," the Queen says, and there is more emotion in those eight words than the thousands Ruby has heard her speak since their affair began.

"Why?" Regina asks, dulled by exhaustion that Ruby understands. She'd felt it too until the Queen relieved her burdens. "Why would you want your conscience back when you've finally won?"

"Because it is my wish, too," the Queen says.

Ruby is stunned by the admission. Not once has the Queen said anything to that effect. Normally whenever they discuss Regina, she sneers or snarls out derisive comments that Ruby accepts as gospel. She'd thought all the Queen felt for her other self was piteous loathing. At the same time she'd thought Regina felt the same. If neither of those beliefs is true, what else has she been wrong about?

Regina heaves out a sigh. "I'm crazy for even entertaining this nonsense. Explain why I should believe you want to merge back? And why I should also for that matter..."

"Simple," says the Queen, then launches into a speech that Ruby won't ever forget. "You want your darkness back because it's the part of you that makes life thrilling and fulfilling and new every single day. It makes everything more intense. Food is more savory to the gluttonous and sex more satisfying to the lustful. The greedy understand that life is short and one can never have enough of what makes satisfies them while sloth adds value to industriousness because accomplishment becomes that much sweeter when one has to work too hard for it. Wrath enhances joy, because who can know the heights of rapture without first experiencing the fires of hell? Envy makes us realize what we truly desire, and we're only so bold as to seek, we can surely attain it and thereby find contentment. And pride, the king of all sins, is the foundation that supports all humility, which would otherwise crumble when adversity comes, and allows us to stand firm and strong and unrelenting against all who would dare stand in our way.

"But I cannot fully experience half of those things since they dwell in you." She glances at Ruby again, arms still extended toward Regina, and her lips curl up into a genuine smile that almost reaches her eyes. "And I want to very much. Because of her." Ruby feels tears gather at her lids as Regina tenses up. "I want to love this woman the same way you do, to experience the kind of adoration I can't replicate and which she requires to truly thrive. I may have my victory but it's empty with both of us half-happy. She needs me but she _loves_ you. So in exchange for your love, I will give you back your passion. Now," she turns back to Regina, who is wide eyed, mouth open, chin trembling, and flexes her fingers, "take my hand, become one with me and rule this world with the only being worthy to stand by our side."

Regina looks over to Ruby only once and that for a split second. But ten thousand words are spoken in that moment and a thousand promises made that Ruby silently returns. To her eternal joy, she then reciprocates toward the Queen, and instant their hands join, magic explodes sending sparks of purple streaking through the office that blind Ruby for over a minute. When her vision clears, neither the unkempt and defeated mayor or the Queen resplendent in majesty are standing before her, but Regina in all of her beauty and power, somewhere in between the dichotomy, radiating love and joy that are edged with danger, just the way Ruby likes it.

"Hi," Ruby says, suddenly bashful though her wolf is salivating with unbearable anticipation.

"Hi," echoes Regina, and then surges forward to claim a kiss that is better than any she's ever given Ruby because she's not conflicted anymore, nor is she internally divided between divergent aspects of her own psyche. Regina is whole and confident and everything Ruby always knew she could but just wouldn't let herself be.

They make love right there on the desk and then again in Regina's bed – their bed – once Regina has poofed them to the mansion for some alone time. But overachiever that she is, Regina hadn't left without magicking instructions for Maleficent to run the town for a few days and that they weren't to be disturbed until then on pain of death. When they emerge from their love cocoon, they settle quickly into their roles. In only three days, the town has already been transformed into a well-oiled machine by Mal's acumen and enterprising spirit. Regina rewards her oldest friend by making her second-in-command. But it is Ruby who has Regina's ear...and her heart.

In time, Storybrooke becomes a modernized interpretation of the Enchanted Forest, replete with a castle where Town Hall used to be and from whence the Queen, her Royal Majesty, Regina Mills rules with mercy where appropriate and a rod of iron when necessary. The heroes all eventually cave under popular pressure when Regina's rule proves too beneficial for the wishy-washy citizenry to ignore.

Snow and David forgive Ruby's transgression, and they stay friends, but the familial bond they once depended on during another life is irrevocably shattered. Emma, on the other hand, takes to the new arrangement like, well...a swan to water. Unburdened of being the Savior responsible for every single problem in town, she flourishes. She doesn't even protest when Regina installs Ruby as Sheriff, demoting Emma to deputy. They work well together, and renew the bonds of friendship as they protect the Queen's land and people from the various threats that crop up from time to time. Killian, like his beloved Swan, is especially thrilled seeing as he gets to be a sanctioned pirate again, commissioned to sail the Jolly Roger and supplied with magic beans in order to establish trade with realms willing to bargain, and to strike fear into the hearts of those who dare threaten those vital ties. He and Emma marry a year after the war ends. It's a quaint but beautiful ceremony on the rooftop of her parents apartment complex, and Ruby delights in watching her blonde friend, glowing with freedom and happiness and, yes, a new pregnancy, gets her happily ever after.

Henry takes longer to come around than anyone Ruby truly cares for. He sulks pretty much six entire months. But eventually both of his mothers wear him down, Emma with her generous support of Regina and Regina with her patience and her many loving overtures. In the end, he goes back to splitting time between Emma and Regina until he graduates. And as for his anger at Ruby? It dissipates enough for them to mend fences. But they never get as close as Ruby would have liked. Her happiness is not without a price, after all.

Regina amazingly allows Rumple leeway to live Scot-free so long as he does not infringe upon her authority. He does fairly well, Ruby has to admit, and keeps to himself most of the time when he's not looking after his son, Gideon. His advice on magical affairs is particularly indispensable. She's glad that Belle leaves him, though. She's never thought the Dark One a good match for the librarian's high intelligence and moral and ethical haughtiness. Toxic together, they are far happier apart. And although Ruby's friendship with Belle is strained after the pardons are enacted, they eventually patch things up enough to resume their chummy interactions.

As for Ruby, when not performing her duties as Sheriff with her deputy, Emma, or out prowling the forests with a pack of werewolves Regina has Killian locate on his travels, she is most often to be found at her Queen's side. And although she accepts Regina's ring and relishes every minute of the grand public spectacle that is their wedding, she takes no titles when offered. Power has never been something Ruby craved, so having it gives her little satisfaction. All she needs is love and freedom. In Regina – her wife, her mate, her everything, a woman both darkness and light incarnate – she has both.

The fairy tales all like to say that good always triumphs over evil and the heroes live happily ever after. Ruby thinks that's a load of horseshit. Fact is that everyone is a hero and everyone is a villain. The capacity for good and evil exist within each person in varying measures. Those who insist otherwise are liars and hypocrites, just like she used to be. The Queen cured her of that self-imposed delusion and Ruby is ever-so-thankful for that, especially when Regina lets her alter-ego out to play with Ruby's. Those are the times things get interesting at home.

On most days Ruby feels like she used to, optimistic and good, ready to help whoever she can however she can, which she does. She spends a lot of time rescuing puppies and getting cats out of trees because she's the only person in town who can climb just about anything. When she's not busy with that kind of benevolent banality she tries her best to be an ameliorating influence over her tempestuous spouse. But some days she feels like letting the beast out of her cage to wreak a little havoc, to remind the subjects of the kingdom of Storybrooke with snapping jaws and growls and prolonged baleful howls that Queen Regina's sovereignty is not to be questioned. Those are the nights Ruby comes home and gets a proper ravishing…or gives one. Either way, she's happy.

The fairy tales are wrong, in her opinion. But there's no fun in being right all the time, now is there?

 **The End**


End file.
